If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
