Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
