So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
