we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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