I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
