ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i will never coherently bang her
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
