I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
