The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
