he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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