Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
