just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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