the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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