Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I seem to have left my pride at pride
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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