my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
