i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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