the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
