I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
