I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
