Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
