'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
