Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
