i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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