Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
