i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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