oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
