"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
