Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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