Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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