I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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