p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
