remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Randomize
