After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is it penis luge time yet?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
