By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
