everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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