i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
