I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
