is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
