I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
