please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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