my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
