how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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