If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
