It's Friday. Sex?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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