Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
