everyone is single if you try hard enough
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
