return my video game
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
