that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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