if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize