Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
