Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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